[x]

deviantART

 


My mother bought a painting from a nearby thrift shop a week before the accident, but I didn’t connect the two events until seven months afterwards, when the figure appeared. She began as a sketch next to the garden fountain, hectic red lilies painted behind the outline of my mother’s back. I didn’t pay much attention at first, but began to notice when the garden pathway appeared like white dust on the hallway carpet, chipped away to make way for a white nightgown. By then I walked with my head down whenever I passed the painting the hall, and began to worry as the figure became more pronounced. It didn’t seem possible anyone could be creeping in to paint my mother into the landscape. No one but the superintendent had a key to my apartment, and I didn’t want to go report to the old recluse so that he could call an institution. So, I just continued day after day as each limb completed itself, until the figure stood waiting, observing me. I tried ignoring it, but the more I attempted to forget, the more it jumped into my mind, at work, with my friends, and especially before I went to sleep. One morning, I got out of bed determined to grow out of it, like the fear of darkness or imaginary monsters. To settle the shame that challenged me. I planned to pass by and spin on it, to surprise the source of my nightmares, maybe even to take it from the wall, like shooting an enemy where he stands. I finally emerged from my bedroom, prepared to turn towards the painting and rip it from the plaster, when the face turned to look at me, and the gates of insanity closed behind me.
©2007-2009 `WineWriter
Details
Submitted: October 30, 2007
File Size: 1.7 KB
Image Size: 0 bytes
Resolution: 0×0
Comments: 18
Favourites & Collections: 6 [who?]

Views
Total: 313
Today: 0

Downloads
Total: 13
Today: 0

Thumb

Author's Comments

An entry for the lit contest being judged by ^GunShyMartyr and @youthculture: [link]

Micro-fiction, not flash fiction, because it's way too short for that.

Results: [link]

:D :party:
[x]

Devious Comments

love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0

Comments


very good it sounds like it could be continued
I like it. The topic of insanity is done a lot, but your take is interesting and different.
I don't think there will be a continuation, but maybe I'll create a similar article. Thank you :)

--
Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable! But that is called "cannibalism," my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies. - Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Article... heh, I meant prose

--
Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable! But that is called "cannibalism," my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies. - Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Thank you :)

--
Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable! But that is called "cannibalism," my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies. - Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
That is so incredible. I'm at a loss. It's so simple but so effective, like all great works of horror. Very different, too. Well-done.
Thank you :)

--
Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable! But that is called "cannibalism," my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies. - Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
The first line states an accident which is never mentioned. “began to notice when the garden pathway appeared like white dust on the hallway carpet, chipped away to make way for a white nightgown.” I have no idea what that means. A white nightgown is being painted onto her mother? It’s stated in the middle that someone was painting her mother in the landscape, yet in the first description of the painting “She began as a sketch next to the garden fountain, hectic red lilies painted behind the lines that resembled the outline of my mother’s back.” I assume the mother’s there to begin with.

This whole part: “No one but the superintendent had a key to my apartment, and I didn’t want to go report to the old recluse so that he could call an institution. So, I just continued day after day as each limb completed itself, until the figure stood waiting, observing me. I tried ignoring it, but the more I attempted to forget, the more it jumped into my mind, at work, with my friends, and especially before I went to sleep. One morning, I got out of bed determined to grow out of it, like the fear of darkness or imaginary monsters. To settle the shame that challenged me. I planned to pass by and spin on it, to surprise the source of my nightmares, maybe even to take it from the wall, like shooting an enemy where he stands.”

Just rattles on in a rushed pace, giving nothing to the read. The only good line in this is ‘the gates of insanity closed behind me’.

I understand the story but I think the way it’s written is in such a mad rush, that any appeal to it has vanished. You’ve got a painting which a girl’s mother starts being painted into. I really don’t feel the sense of dread in her and there’s no expression on the mother’s face described. I think the idea could really be worked into a scary piece if done right.
Thank you :) I'll take your comments into account when I go back to edit this :)

--
Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable! But that is called "cannibalism," my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies. - Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Site Map